Surrounded by smiles, plus twos, obnoxiously loud jovial 20 something-ers and the occasional stare, I continue to browse through my September issues of MORE magazine. The fact that MORE has become my favorite magazine goes right along with this post. An article titled, Love on the Half Shell, by Pascale Le Draoulec grabs my attention. Despite the noise and stares, I attentively read the story. The story is about a woman who falls in love with someone not her “regular” style. Hmm I think, a typical theme for women in their forties.
But there is a passage that haunts my thoughts:
At nearly 41, divorced, and single with no children, I understand where the writer came from. Personally, I have accepted the reality of my situation where birth children are not an option.
But many women, who chose career first are having children in their 40s and looking for a meaningful relationship leading to marriage. There are days I consider myself in that category. Career-wise, I am happy. Relationship-wise I am tired of the dating-because-I need a date- for a social event around time. Listening to women in the same situation talk, I realize this is a common feeling.
I am no relationship expert, but I do know you can make yourself love someone to fit your personal agenda. He may not have all of the qualities you desire in a mate, however you can love what he has and attempt to change his ways in the process. A possible solution to the growing number of single, 40s, career women seeking? I am sure it happens.
Yet, should women settle for the man who looks “teachable” or “changeable” to suit our needs? Age and being alone can be a scary thing, but settling is still a temporary solution. Marrying a man because your clock is ticking or you are that “age” may not produce a healthy long-term marriage. Draoulec’s article touched on this.
Age should not be a reason to settle. Comedian Steve Harvey seems to think women in general have lowered their standards. Lowering your standards is not the solution. As a dating 40 something woman, I have fallen victim to the “changeable” man pattern. I have dated men and thought, he has some qualities I like and if we were to be married I am sure he would change. He would like to snuggle even though he didn’t as a single man. Chuckling – did I really tell myself that.
My hope is that single career- women over 30:
- Embrace their choice to pursue career first
- Accept they are not strange
- Do not give in to their married with family friend push
- Pursue men of their dreams despite their age
Would you settle for the type of man you really wanted to not be alone? Should loving part of a person with the hopes of changing them be the norm for single women in their 40s?